Spending habits

My lecturer jokes that “Thursday’s seem to be our collective delivery day.” She asked “who had a package arriving or had already arrived.” Out of thirty people, about half of the group were expecting orders, and just by chance, so was I.

Self-destruction can come in many different shapes and forms, I assumed It was almost exclusively related to drug, alcohol consumption, gambling and a self-depricating mentality. However, there are a lot of things that come into play, one of which, is compulsive shopping. As stupid as this may sound, I do think online ordering can be dangerous. Not life-threatening but in the same way, you let a tap drip and drip until eventually the kitchen is flooded.

Ann Pietrangelo wrote in an article for Healthline.com about understanding Self-destructive behaviour:

‘You’ve probably done something self-destructive at some point. Just about everyone has. Most of the time, it’s not intentional and doesn’t become a habit.’

Online ordering is like having Christmas every day of the year.

The excitement you get when the door goes and you’re presented with a box, packaging all wrapped lovely and inside a gift waiting. You don't notice the spending as it takes a couple of days to process and by the time the package has arrived you’ve moved on.

In our first hit of lockdown, I noticed my ordering becoming excessive. At its peak, there must have been 3 packages turning up a week to my door. I understand that I am probably making this sound worse than it was. I wasn't spending money I didn’t have or splashing out on large unrealistic items, but little things add up. I had come to the realisation that if I saved all the money I’d spent, I could probably put a deposit down on a future holiday or an apartment. Yes, these items brought me joy at the time but ultimately are they adding to my life?

‘Self-destructive behaviour can be a coping mechanism that you didn’t realize you’d developed [...] This doesn’t necessarily mean you have a mental health disorder. Once you recognize it for what it is, you can replace self-destructive behaviour with something that serves your own best interest.’

I recently read a book by Ottessa Moshfegh, called My Year of Rest and Relaxation, in which the protagonist sets out to hibernate for a year. As she has quite a bit of inheritance under her belt to support the endeavour, she takes a cocktail of prescribed drugs in order to force her body into this state of prolonged unconsciousness. In the book, the protagonist is a horrible person. It makes you physically dumbfounded with some of the things she says and does. But there is a point where she realises to achieve her goal of medically induced hibernation she needs no distractions in order to focus on sleep, so she strips her apartment bare and only requests items (almost exclusively food) upon needing them. In the novel, you watch her burdens physically and mentally lifted off her in this period. Her monetary values change, along with her perception of life and her treatment of others. She becomes a predominantly ‘nicer’ person.

Now this story is a piece of fiction and I strongly advise you not to pursue this endeavour for yourself. It is a terrible idea, the character does a lot of damage to herself and others in the process. However, there are definitely lessons to be learnt from this story.

‘Self-destructive behaviours are those that are bound to harm you physically or mentally. It may be unintentional. Or, it may be that you know exactly what you’re doing, but the urge is too strong to control […] It may be due to earlier life experiences. It can also be related to a mental health condition, such as depression or anxiety.’

Recently I moved house and got a taste of this minimalist lifestyle for a few months. I had my bed and plants, the rest of my things were in boxes and I noticed it having a large effect on my mental health. Not having my things around, ultimately lead to me buying more, to try and fill the empty space. Which is ridiculous! The dramatic changes in my mood will have been subject to several other factors. Nonetheless, It’s scary how reliant we are on things and how this consumerist culture has been drilled into us. Not happy? Buy this outfit and you’ll feel better… read that book and it’ll change your life. Half of the time you are disappointed anyway as they don’t fit, or it’s broken, or not quite what the picture looked like.

Last year before we knew what was about to happen, I’d been reading about all these No Spend Years. I made a point to try but ultimately to no avail. So, this year I made a goal: to not buy stuff I don’t need or haven’t thought about. (which is essentially the concept of a No Spend Year with room to make mistakes)

So far it’s not been going too badly. I have replaced my audible subscription with the library. I’ve been getting my books (if I have to buy them) on Abebooks or with gift cards. My spending has been minimal, and I’ve had a few slip-ups but we are not even two months into the year. My exceptions to this no-spend year however are presents, having that excuse to buy things that aren't for me has meant I’ve been pre-buying birthday presents for people. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, it’s a better use of my money making other people happy, which in turn makes me happy.

I’d love to be a minimalist. I recognise that after a while, as much as I love my stuff, I just want to get rid of everything and be a minimalist. Knowing that I’ve given something a new lease of life like donating books I’ve read, passing things on to people if I don’t use them and having a clean and tidy space. That brings me joy, the general prospects of a fresh start...But I’m too sentimental to be a minimalist: I keep bottle caps, notes from school, stones from the beach.

My journey to finding a healthy and sustainable balance with consumerism continues. However,

‘A pattern of self-destructive behaviour or any amount of physical self-harm is another matter. These behaviours have serious consequences. If that sounds like your situation, it’s time to seek help.’